The young woman was standing before him. For the first time since all of this happened, he saw her confused, broken. And then came back to him the memories of all the times she was talking about all her uncertainties. About all her fears. But he'd doubted it, believing no one could have stand it all this time without falling in pieces at the first grief. And she passed so many of them without wavering... No. It couldn't be. But there she was, trembling nervously in front of him. Then he starts wondering why she came to him. Why him when she had Cullen, Dorian or Mother Giselle... Even Solas would have been a better help than him. "So why me ?" asked the dwarf, "I... I... I needed a friend... I thought... I..." He realized that she came without thinking. He felt guilty all of sudden. The feeling of having acted like an asshole. He sighed. "You thought right, Glimmer. I'm sorry." He stared at her silently whereas she keep looking at her feet, until he found the right things to say. He always has been good at telling stories, always fleeing the tricky things that everyone but him had the courage to face, even if they didn't wanted to. But now that he wanted to become another man...
"You know, it's not all about those who believes or counts on you to fix all of this bullshits, even if i'm one of them myself. It's also about you and youself. Your own faith and believes. Do you believe in Andrasté ? Do you believe in the Maker ? And if still not, does it truly matters ? The most important question is : Do you believe in yourself ? Everything you've been fighting for all this time, everything you've build, how does it makes you feel ? You cannot think you've made it all for nothing.
-I don't ! I just... I don't know ! I... I've never been a woman of faith... I've been the worst Andrastian ever, always wondering myself what's the point of praying a God that seems to have turned his back on us. And there came this Corypheus and his discourses about the seat of Lord, his city and their emptiness... Sera spoke to me about this, and the fear she had now for what it means. I tried to reassure her, truth is, I'm as afraid as her. Even more, honestly, because of all these people who believe I'm... I'm..."
She stopped for a moment, her face torned by pain. Her crossed arms were holding herself even harder now she was breathing harshly, tears flowing on her cheeks as she spoke.
"Varric I... I didn't fought for nothing else but the people I love, for the causes I believe in. But now what ? I am... The woman about to fight a man, or what is left, back from another time, a man pretending to the title of "god". I was nobody before this... And I've never wanted to be someone. Countless times I wanted to flee... But stakes were too considerable, all depending on me... I just... couldn't. And now there are many things which call into question my believes and faith. To the point that I no longer spend a night without a pray for the mute God. Asking him for answers, asking him for strenght, for any proof of anything. Everything ! But never did He dare to answer me and I hate Him for his silence. At the end, the consequences of any of my decisions may be even more catastrophic then anything that already happened, even more than the existence of this "Elder One". What if I'm not strong enough ? What if I fail to defeat him ? If I disappoint you all ? I can't be alone to make these choices, I don't want to ! I need Him to show me the right path, but He refuses to speak ! Still absent, still missing ! Fucking Maker, hiding like a coward, watching us, mocking us, from who the fuck know where, whereas we torn each others, kill each others while the sky rips off above our heads ! And I hate Him ! I was just trying to do my best... For all of you, but now I... I...."
The dwarf remained silent, not believing what he heard. Here, in front of him, the Inquisitor, the most powerful woman of the whole Thedas collapsed. And that was more terrifying than anything he ever saw. She fell to the ground, her hands hiding her face flooded by tears. Some guests, witnesses of the scene, came to her, nagging her with empty questions hiding false concerns. "Enough !" yelled Varric "Maferath's balls, are you going to leave her the fuck alone or what ?" Swearing and yelling like never before, the dwarf drived away the strangers, threatening them of getting their ass kicked if they were trying to stay any longer. Then he came back to the young lady, still on the ground, still crying. He took off her hands out of her face and pulled her close to him. He said nothing as long as he hold her. Then she hugged him harder as she continued to cry. Still, he couldn't said anything. Feeling powerless. Useless. So he just remained here, holding her like a parent trying to confort his child. What an odd feeling... He started laughing. "Come on, young girl... I'm feeling like an old man, old enough for being your father..." Jiles laughed slightly, sniffing and wiping off her tears that finaly ceased to flow.
"But I would have liked that !
-Heh ! What ? Me as your father ?
-Ah... Don't be silly... Even if that would have made a rational explanation of your natural charisma.
-Didn't Dorian tells you that we're blood related ?
-Oh, and what is it about ?
-My natural charisma, of course !
-Ha ! You call what Sparkler got "charisma" ?
-Is it not ?
-I call that : His natural propensity of a selfish adoration of himself."
She laughed so hard she start crying again, but that wasn't due to pain this time. She said she wanted him to write this one in his book if he decided to make it. He said he totaly would then she laughed again.
"More seriously Glimmer... It doesn't matter if you believe or not in the Maker. What is important is to believe in you. Because all those you said you're fighting for do believe in you. Cullen, Dorian, Sera, Cassandra... They all do. I do. You've been bringing peace in this world Jiles. Don't doubt it, even if it's an uneasy one. And if you call that "just trying to do your best" then continue to try, 'cause you've already done more than enough. Now get up with me, and let's see if Buttercup got some of her "Inquisition Cookies" for us, shall we ?"
"we will save our friend from himself... If we can."
"Dirth ma, harellan. Ma banal enasalin. Mar solas ena mar din."
(Tu comprend, traître. Tu n'as rien gagné. Ton orgueil sera ta perte.)